The phone ringing ripped me from my sleep. I fumbled to find it in the dark. My daughter was lying next to me and I was just hoping it didn’t wake her. I finally found the phone and almost dropped it on the floor while I was struggling to see it. Lo and behold it was the same guy that I told to not reach out anymore because he needs to heal and in the same text I told him that I can’t handle the late-night phone calls. I own and run two busy companies all day…I need my sleep.
When I looked at the clock I saw that it was 12:30 am. Before this I was trying to be nice, but this was too much!
I did the only thing in my power and blocked him. Thank God I did because in the morning I saw a bunch of texts and blocked calls in my blocked messages file. One text specifically said how I was perfect for him and he would have given me anything. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Not because I haven’t heard this a million times (who hasn’t) but because I’ve felt this way about guys I liked. I don’t think I ever said it to them but I definitely felt it.
I couldn’t understand why a guy who is perfect for me, and that I was willing to give the world to, wouldn’t want me. It helped me realize that it was so selfish of me. What about what’s perfect for them? I was so focused on myself that I couldn’t possibly genuinely care about the other person.
When you care about someone else, you want the best for them.
When I was being abused, I spoke with my doctor and he said something that will stay with me forever. “Now you have no chance at happiness, but without him you at least have a chance at happiness” That resonates and echoes every time I meet someone new.
Ultimately I want someone that thinks of what’s best for me. If we are both thinking about what’s best for him then it’s a toxic relationship. I was always the all-in type which left me too exposed. I would get so attached that I would lose myself. Everything happens for a reason and this interaction was no different.