The simple change YOU can make to your language for a happier marriage, revealed

It may sound deceptively simple, but a new study suggests that a basic change to your language can help to boost marriage satisfaction.

Researchers from the University of Quebec say that people who use ‘we-talk’ when describing experiences have happier marriages.

As the name suggests, ‘we-talk’ involves using first-person plural pronouns like ‘we’ and ‘us’ rather than ‘I’ and ‘me’.

‘The use of “we” by spouses may highlight a shared identity, or “we-ness,” rather than a separate or individualistic construal of the self within a romantic relationship,’ the researchers explained.

‘This “we-ness” may reflect partners’ mutual influence on one another as well as their sense of interconnection.’

In the study, the team set out to assess the impact of ‘we-talk’ on married couples who face a common stressor – young children.

In their study, published in Personal Relationships, the researchers, led by Catherine Ouellet-Courtois, explained: ‘Raising preschool-aged children is associated with increased marital conflict and decreased marital satisfaction and therefore was considered as a potential stressor for both partners.’

The team enlisted 77 married couples with a child under the age of seven, who were asked to rate their marital satisfaction.

Each spouse was then asked to lead a seven-minute discussion about the most difficult aspects of raising young children, and how it impacted their relationship with their partner.

During the discussions, the researchers made note of any pronouns used, and whether they were plurals (we, our, us, ourselves) or singular (I, me, mine).

The results revealed that couples who used more ‘we-talk’ reported significantly higher marriage satisfaction.

‘These findings suggest that greater cognitive interdependence, as indicated by we-talk, may protect from declines in marital satisfaction over time,’ the team added. 

The study comes shortly after research revealed that thinking about your ex can actually improve your current relationship. 

Psychologists at the University of Kansas asked volunteers to reflect on nostalgic memories with a former partner.

The results revealed that couples who used more ‘we-talk’ reported significantly higher marriage satisfaction

Those who were able to do this showed an increase in satisfaction in their current relationship, and more motivation to stick with it. 

The team also probed the reason for this, by asking the volunteers how much they feel they have grown since their former relationship.

Individuals who reported an increase in relationship satisfaction also felt they had grown since their past one.

The researchers think this is because this feeling increased their appreciation of their current partner.