WUHAN, CHINA—As long as you’re not a safety inspector, you are invited to attend the NBA’s 2023 All-Star game at the Wuhan Institute of Virology!
To make room for the court, the lab demolished the little-used cancer research wing, and attendees will be required to show proof that all their diseases originated from inside the building.
“We are thrilled to hold our All-Star event here in Wuhan after the CCP threatened to withhold all funds if we didn’t,” Commissioner Adam Silver said. “This country has given so much to the world. This is the least we can do.”
Famed basketball dribbler and notable high school graduate, LeBron James gave his most eloquent statement about the location.
“This was a much most smart decision. I consider this the most goodest news ever,” he said.
Naturally, some in-arena alterations have been made. Specifically, pretzels have been replaced with fried bat wings, and nacho chips have been replaced with pangolin scales.
And for those claiming that China has no sense of humor, all attendees will be given T-shirts that say: “I attended the NBA All-Star Game in Wuhan, China, and all I got was another bio-weapon coursing through my veins.” They will be required to bring the shirts back to America and have twelve of their friends and family members wear it.
Update: The basketball game will now be delayed one week after Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez demanded that the Wuhan Institute of Virology host her niece’s quinceañera.
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