NEW YORK, NY — As Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky arrived in the U.S. to petition the U.N. for additional funds for the ongoing war with Russia, he was angered to learn one of his F-35s had been carelessly ruined by the American military.
“I mean…what gives, you guys?” Zelensky asked American military leaders. “That was one of your-I mean-my best planes! You owe me 80 million dollars now. Pay up, and add an additional 33 trillion for the inconvenience. For the war, you know?”
The jet was abandoned over the southern part of the U.S. Monday after the pilot detected an issue with the transponder. Zelensky reminded the U.S. government he had graciously allowed the Marines to use his plane only on condition that they not crash it into the ground.
“We’re deeply sorry to have offended President Zelensky…we’re doing everything in our power to smooth things over with our Commander in Chief, who is um…President Biden…of course. Not Zelensky,” General Eric Smith, the acting commandant of the Marine Corps, told reporters. “We deeply apologize to our dear leader…um…President Biden…yes…and ask him to please forgive our incompetence.”
The Ukrainian leader said he’d accept the apology in the form of many suitcases of unmarked U.S. currency delivered directly to his residence in Kyiv.
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