Tucker Carlson Moves Show To Homeschool Curriculums

BRYANT POND, ME– ClosinFox News parting with Tucker Carlson may have officially backfired on the network. And now it’s coming for public school union leaders.  A new report shows that millions of frustrated parents are retaliating against their local districts by adding the Tucker Carlson For Kids hour to their homeschool curriculums.

“If they want to keep the schools closed, we have no choice but to raise an army of little Tuckers,” said Nashville mother of four, Becky Hathaway.  “I dress them all in bowties, and they take notes.  Plus, after only a few episodes, my kids stopped blaming their dirty rooms on Russia!”

So far, the hour of Tucker Carlson has
worked wonders in the Hathaway home as each child now lacks nearly all traces
of pomposity and smugness.  The children have also stopped calling each
other childish names like “stupid” and “doodoo face”, and instead now hurl
insults like this:

“Mom!  Alex is showcasing a total
mediocre ability to think, and that’s being generous!”

“Alex, stop being a neocon!” Becky
hollered back to regain order.

As
Tucker’s show grows in popularity, many children have begun rounding up all
household items made in China and throwing them in the trash. 

Update: 
Many parents are finding that flipping on Jake Tapper is a great way to
kick-off recess, as the children will quickly sprint outside to get as far from
the television set as possible.