U.S. — A new study has found that everyone at the gym is, in fact, watching you and laughing at your little sissy dumbbells.
“Our study concluded that the feeling you get of being watched at the gym is because of everyone is snickering at how weak you are,” said lead researcher Dr. Graham Hadwin. “People are actually mocking you so much more than you ever thought possible.”
Men who lift weights have long sensed that all the other gym-goers were secretly laughing at their pathetic muscles and terrible form. “Just as I suspected,” said local man Dan McMillan, upon hearing the study’s results. “I could just feel the stifled chuckles every time I picked up my puny little barbells. The constant feeling of judgment for how much I sweat from just doing lunges – I knew it wasn’t in my head.”
According to sources, every athletic trainer and gym employee in the country is in on the joke. “We love to tell people to do high reps with low weight so we can laugh at how dumb you look with your girly little baby weights,” said personal trainer Rod Evans. “Sometimes, all of us trainers get together for a beer after work just to laugh at you even more. No matter how much you think people are judging you, trust me – the truth is way worse.”
At publishing time, the research team revealed that everyone is also watching out their windows when you jog around the neighborhood and laughing at how slow you are.
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