MESOPOTAMIA — Recently discovered evidence has led biblical scholars to believe Noah made the mistake of washing his ark the day before it began raining. This new understanding has given researchers reason to think the flood itself may have been the result of this rookie mistake.
“Noah clearly didn’t think ahead with this decision,” said Professor Blake Rumsey at the Institute of Genesis Theology. “Everyone knows there’s a universal rule that it’s going to rain the day after you wash your vehicle. Noah lost sight of that fact, leading to 40 days and nights of rain, billions of deaths, and essentially, the reshaping of the entire earth.”
Noah reportedly spent approximately 100 years building the ark, and upon finishing it, he thought it would be a good idea to give it a good washing. “Finally done!” Witnesses heard Noah say. “Now I’ll clean her up real nice, and she’ll be ready to show off.”
Immediately after Noah and his sons finished washing the ark, however, dark clouds began to appear in the sky. “Once he washed the ark, that was all she wrote,” Professor Rumsey said. “We must remember to give Noah the benefit of the doubt, however, as it had never rained before.”
At publishing time, the same team of scholars had moved on to investigate evidence that Noah’s wife had accidentally run the ark into the peaks of a nearby mountain range in shallow flood waters when he asked her to take the helm and steer while he had to use the restroom.
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