BOULDER, CO — A local boy gave a glowing review of a thick volume on parenting after using it to inflict flying terror on his little brother over the weekend.
“Man, oh man!” Sam Gardner told reporters. “That thing’s got girth! I consider myself somewhat of an expert in regular-objects-turned-projectiles, and that one is a winner for sure!”
Sam chucked the book at little brother Lucas over an argument involving a questionable Monopoly play. The tome, “How to Raise Perfect Boys”, left a good-sized red mark on Lucas’s forehead.
“MO-OOOM!” Lucas yelled after being told to shut his “fat baby mouth.” “Sam hit me with that book that says bribing kids is bad for our emotional development or whatever!”
The boys’ mother Rachel did her best to ignore the altercation, having broken up four thousand such episodes already that day.
“That book says you should provide lots of opportunities for ingenuity and resourcefulness for your sons,” a frazzled Rachel said. “I guess Sam used that book pretty resourcefully-I mean-I don’t approve of the violence, but it did keep them busy for a few minutes.”
“Someone, help me.”
As of printing time, the boys had repurposed the book into paper airplanes and were seen heading for the roof to launch them into the neighbor’s backyard.
Nothing weird, just a bunch of bros hanging out drinking Bud Light and talking about their feelings. Just chilling. Not gay.
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