WASHINGTON, DC – It was a
towering display of political competence Wednesday when 97-year-old Mitch
McConnell froze on live television for nearly two minutes trying to remember
which party he represents.
“I stand here this afternoon firmly committed to my Democr—errr, Republi… uh. Now who in the hell do I..” a frustrated McConnell said before his eyes glazed over and apparently quit living.
was like his soul left his body,” a CSPAN cameraman commented. “Like
a Roomba that got firmly stuck under a couch. He just lost power and energy.
Made Joe Biden look like Mick Jagger for a second.”
defenders claim he did not forget his party, but rather, the spry Senator
‘pulled a Nadler.’
all poop our pants while CSPAN films us,” John Cornyn explained.
“It’s totally normal. I’m sure a distinguished Chinese leader is taking a
hot dump in his pants live on air right now.”
Update: McConnell is now claiming to be in good health, and he now remembers he is firmly committed to the Ukrainian people.
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