MESOPOTAMIA — Local patriarch Methuselah spent yet another frustrating day threshing his grain after his wife once again brought up a big argument they had 741 years ago, leading the couple into an uncomfortable silence.
“We both know this isn’t the first time you’ve done something like this,” his wife said during a tense conversation. “You may be 969 years old, but your memory still works. You remember what you said to me that day 741 years ago just as clearly as I do. You still haven’t changed.”
Witnesses in the village reported an overwhelming sense of awkwardness as the couple’s passive-aggressive comments descended into open verbal combat. “You could tell Methuselah did not like hearing about that argument from a long time ago,” said Arphaxad, who lives in a neighboring tent. “He let out a really loud, prolonged sigh, but that only seemed to make her even angrier. It kinda ruined the day for all of us, honestly. We felt like we were walking on eggshells all day.”
Methuselah expressed both regret and exasperation at the situation. “I’ll never be able to live that argument down,” he said as he shook his head. “I made one flippant comment under my breath about the way she overcooked a goat for dinner, and I’ve had to hear about it for the last 741 years. Take me home, Lord.”
At publishing time, Methuselah was relieved to hear his grandson, Noah, had been commanded by God to build an ark in preparation for a massive flood, knowing his impending death would keep him from ever hearing about the argument again.
Is your wife being hysterical again? Do you need a sandwich ASAP, but the Mrs. is unreasonably upset? Watch this video for all the best techniques for calming her down.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction
Read the full article here