LOS ANGELES, CA — Socialist sports fans everywhere are praising LeBron James’ triumphant efforts to finally bring equality in the ratings between the NBA and the WNBA.
“Long overdue,” James said
as he accepted the NBA’s Award for Social
Solitude, or ASS. “The queens in the WNBA needed help. So I
stood up. Well technically, I knelt down. But I’m like Michael
Jordan with my ability to focus. Except Jordan’s whole thing was winning
championships, and mine is being a warrior of justice.”
James believes he’s the NBA
ASS of the year because of his keen ability to know what the people want in
“For one thing, Americans
everywhere hate the police,” James informed the media as police guarded his
press conference. “Oh! And Americans love an underdog. Who’s more
of an underdog than violent rapists?” he asked.
“You in all the NBA
finals,” a reporter answered.
“SHOOT HIM WITH YOUR GUN!”
LeBron reflectively yelled to the cops while his handlers tried to calm
With over 80% of the league
being black, many are wondering if LeBron will take on the league’s racial inequality
“It’s a huge problem. I
promise to do my best to bring about racial equality by abolishing all the
white people by the end of next season,” LeBron said.
Update: As the ASS of
the year ceremony concluded, LeBron yelled, “Hey, wait a minute! This
trophy has a little ‘made in China’ sticker on it!”
“Yep! Just how you like
it!” Commissioner, Adam Silver said as James squealed and hugged him with
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