CONEY ISLAND, N.J. — Favorite Joey Chestnut was demolished by Kamala Harris in Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest after the VP made a surprise appearance at the annual event.
Harris, who has been tasked with traveling the nation to give cringy speeches to championship athletes, was originally planning on just a small photo op.
“But her instincts kicked in,” coach Willie Brown told ESPN. “A basket filled with about a hundred hotdogs? Hell, that’s a Tuesday for Kam Kam. Believe me.”
As Harris held the championship trophy high, the ESPN commentators took the opportunity to remind America of the two principles that founded this country.
“One, any woman can compete in any men’s league. And two, what you lack in intelligence and leadership can be overcompensated for by being a colossal whore,” the announcer said, getting emotional.
Not everyone was thrilled with the VP’s win.
“Oh, c’mon! She’s had decades more experience!” Yelled a bitter Chestnut. “We can’t compete with this! Don’t you read Breitbart?!”
Update: Due to the graphic nature of Harris’ participation in the televised event, Washington Democrats are now fighting for the footage to be mandatory viewing for grades K-12th.
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