Jordan Peterson Convinces Yelp To Make ‘It Was Pure Hell’ Option

TORONTO — Jordan Peterson, renowned psychologist, and lobster
enthusiast, has been pleading with Yelp.com for years to improve its business review
options, and it appears that he has finally gotten his wish.

“For
years, I’ve told the folks at Yelp their buttons are NOT helpful,” Peterson
said.  “They claim to want honest reviews, but it’s like… your system is
chaos.  Life is a lot like the Arby’s on Hoskin Ave. —it WILL give you
sub-one-star service.  Very often, in fact.  It’s pure torture, and
we need to label it as such, or else what the hell are we even doing, ya know?”

Yelp was convinced, and an “It Was Pure Hell” button has been added.

Fittingly, it was Peterson himself who used the new option after another bad experience at the Arby’s on Hoskin Ave.

“You
have the meats, I want them, and that’s that!  But when your whole staff
abandons the building because you hear a bloody ice cream truck, I’m left
alone.  Alone to ponder life’s darkest questions.  Who will get me my
meats? What would my father’s father think?  Again, this whole restaurant
is pure hell, and that’s EXACTLY how I’ll describe my experience, bucko!” 

Update: 
After more protest from Peterson, Yelp reluctantly agreed to add an “It was
BLOODY hell!” button.