WASHINGTON, D.C. – After a dozen staffers spent ten minutes chasing Joe Biden around the Rose Garden before he somehow managed to fall up another flight of stairs last month, the White House has announced that the iconic “Hail to the Chief” anthem will be replaced with “The Benny Hill Theme Music” for the remainder of the Biden presidency.
The new theme song came in handy again when Biden, wearing only his underwear, ran onto the White House lawn for the annual 4th of July event.
“He knows little kids are near the way a shark can sense blood from a mile away,” a frustrated staffer began. “So he sprints onto the lawn, and we all see about forty feet of toilet paper connected to his tidy whities. The wacky music begins, and we all start chasing him. But we can’t catch him. When Joe wants to molest kids, he’s nearly impossible to take down. He’s like Barry Sanders. Anyway, as the music is playing and us aids are colliding into each other and falling down like idiots!”
Update: Biden, so exhausted from the chase, could only muster up four horrifying racial slurs during his prepared remarks.
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