WASHINGTON, VA — As public pressure continues to mount regarding rumors of a government coverup of interactions with aliens, officials at the Pentagon are considering releasing a group of alien creatures in San Francisco, California, believing releasing the extraterrestrial beings there would go almost entirely unnoticed.
“These creatures would blend right in with San Francisco citizens,” said Gen. David J. Hornswoggle. “We have collected a variety of intergalactic travelers over the last several decades. Some of them have multi-colored hair, some of them look halfway between a male and a female, and others have their eyelids stapled to their foreheads. Let’s be honest, you can walk down the street in San Fran in the middle of the afternoon and see the same thing.”
UFO enthusiasts have long believed the U.S. government has engaged in a massive coverup of visits from beings from other worlds, including crashed spacecraft. Fearing these aliens may disappear into the San Francisco populace, these groups of fans are pleading with the Pentagon not to move forward. “If you release them into San Francisco, we’ll never see them again!” said Rupert Harkins, President of the Facebook group Safe Space for Aliens. “We want to know them! We don’t want them shipped off to disappear in a crowd of fantastic weirdos.”
At publishing time, Pentagon officials continued to debate the decision, with some decision-makers wondering if the aliens would end up becoming too conspicuous due to not defecating on the sidewalk like real San Francisco citizens.
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