DUBLIN — Despite claims from conservative media pundits that President Joe Biden’s tour of Ireland was a disaster due to several verbal gaffes and nonsensical statements, a group of intoxicated Irishmen released a statement saying they were able to understand every word of what Biden said.
“That Biden fella sure can spin a good yarn, don’t ya know?” said Seamus O’Reardon after finishing his seventh pint of Guinness before lunch. “I know he catches a lot of flack for not bein’ able t’speak clearly and all, but I’ve never heard such perfect pronunciation of our old traditional Connacht Irish dialect. T’was just the way me dear old mother would speak when she was three sheets t’ the wind every marnin’!”
Critics of the Biden administration were calling the trip an embarrassment after the President had confused New Zealand’s “All Blacks” rugby team with the “Black and Tans,” a brutal British police force deployed against Irish rebels in the 1920s. This was followed by Biden saying he was never going to leave Ireland, a pledge millions of American citizens wished would be true. All speeches given in Ireland by Biden, though thoroughly unintelligible to English speakers, were clearly heard by O’Reardon and his fellow drunk Irishmen.
“Gifted orator, the man is,” said Paddy Devitt. “Understood every word of it, I did. He told a beautiful story of his childhood in Ireland, with his good friend Corned Beef Pop.”
At publishing time, while on his way back to the United States, Biden was overheard asking aides aboard Air Force One why he hadn’t met any leprechauns trying to hide bowls of Lucky Charms from children as he expected.
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