PLANO, TX–
Doritos unveiled their new line of Socialist flavored chips on Friday.
Beginning in August, your local grocery store will soon have the Socialism-themed
flavors of “Street Dog,” “Wet Dumpster,” and “Zesty
Rat.”
“Our demo has spoken,” said Frito-Lay President Vivek Sankaran. “18-29-year-olds are so in love with this political movement we just know they’d love chips that have the authentic taste of a Socialist meal.
Naturally, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has accepted an endorsement deal to
represent the hip new flavors.
“I
signed a $14 million contract to do three commercials for Doritos,” AOC
said on an Instagram live stream. “They wanted me to do five, but I couldn’t. I need time to focus on my Tax The Rich
campaign.”
But suspicions were raised when terms of AOC’s deal were leaked. Specifically the guarantee that she would ‘never,
ever’ have to taste any of the new flavors herself. And now, major distributors are worried.
“For one thing, Wet Dumpster was soggy, reeked of trash, and
tasted horribly foul!” Said Safeway buyer Chris Davis. “But I’m being
told America’s youth is totally on board for eating like this as soon as they
take down capitalism. So I see why Doritos is trying to get ahead of the curve.”
Davis concluded.
UPDATE: After much of America’s youth sampled the new Socialist flavors,
many are not happy and are now demanding democratic Socialist flavored
chips.
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