WASHINGTON, DC — Top Democrats are finally admitting what most Americans have suspected for years: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was only installed into Congress as an attempt to help destigmatize the mentally ill.
According to leaked
details, the rise of AOC was a brazen attempt for the Democrat party to fortify
the final piece of their victim-centric coalition.
“We had basically everything. But our mentally insane voter block was rapidly increasing, and we needed to destigmatize that group quickly,” Chuck Schumer said in a press conference. “Beto was to represent the frail but still closeted men. Cory Booker was to shore up the people-whos-eyes-pop-out-like-pugs vote. Obviously, Clinton helped us win over the vicious rapists. And her husband, Bill, would get us a few votes in Arkansas. But when we saw AOC, we got greedy. She’s clearly too insane to function. Even for Democrats.”
Now many psychiatrists
are telling the Democrats their little stunt has had the opposite effect on
their party’s popularity.
“Yes, I’ve seen a major shift in how my patients react towards traditional stigmas about the mentally ill,” a psychiatrist remarked. “Strictly as a scientific experiment, I hollered, ‘Hey, retard!’ at a particularly sensitive individual yesterday. Nothing. But when I called him an ‘AOC supporting liberal democrat,’ he screamed the F word and lunged at me like a spider monkey.”
Update: Things are looking up for the Democrats. Using Joe Biden, they finally destigmatized pooping one’s pants in public. And Gavin Newsom proudly accepted the role representing hermaphrodites.
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