GIBEAH — Servants at the royal palace were startled late last night by angry screams as King Saul flew into a rage after David, the young man brought in to calm him down by playing the harp, would not stop playing the opening riff from Deep Purple’s “Smoke on the Water.”
“Stop that! Not again! Don’t play it again! ARRRRGGHHHH!” the king was heard shouting as David once again played the all-too-familiar intro chords. “Why can’t you play something else?! I brought you here to help me relax, but you’re driving me insane!”
There were conflicting reports about whether David was intentionally trying to irritate Saul or if he was just really wanting to nail down that song so he could impress all the girls who live in the palace. “David’s a popular guy,” said one palace staff member. “The guys all want to hang out with him, and the girls are all over him. I think it’s the harp.”
Once again, in the middle of the night, Saul summoned David to his chambers after being unable to sleep. “I know just what you need, O King,” David said kindly as he sat down with his harp. The king stared suspiciously at David, waiting to hear what he would play. “Don’t do it, David. I’m serious. Don’t — ” the king said as David began to strum.
DAH DAH DAAAAAHHHH DAH DAH DAH-DAAAAHHHHHH
“NO! Stop it! Why must you continue to vex me?!” Saul shouted as he covered his ears and reached for his spear to try to pin David to the wall. David was last seen running from the king’s chambers with a smile on his face.
At publishing time, David had been forced to deny rumors he was intentionally driving the king mad in order to steal the kingdom away from him.
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