KANSAS CITY, MO — Local lawmakers and citizens alike were surprised to find that legalizing the recreational use of marijuana produced no negative results, except for the fact that the entire city now smells like weed.
“It hasn’t caused any trouble, but man does it reek everywhere all the time now,” said Mayor Quenton Lucas. “There was some concern that there may be challenges related to workplace productivity and other economic ramifications from the legalization of marijuana, but things are pretty much the same around the city…other than all of our air smells like a skunk’s armpit.”
Experts were still searching for reasoning behind the study results, including speculating the citizens who make up the workforce were already lazy and unreliable at their jobs. Despite food shortages, stores in town have reportedly been able to keep up with the demand for late-night snacks. “Nothing around town seems any different, really,” said resident Josiah Smith. “I mean, you can’t really go outside your house without smelling weed now, but Walmart has had such a strong weed smell for years that I’ve been afraid of getting high when I go there just to pick up a box of Count Chocula.”
Proponents of the legalization have hailed this news as a rousing success, and are urging citizens concerned about the smell to “just get used to it, bro.”
At publishing time, residents have simultaneously expressed frustration due to the constant odor as well as relief that there are worse smells to deal with, such as tons of toxic chemicals being voluntarily burned and released into the air.
This man is under arrest – for MANSPLAINING!
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