REHOBOTH, DE — President Joe Biden posed for photos yesterday on his Delaware beach trip in an effort to distract the public from mounting scandals involving his participation in international backroom bribery deals.
“Yup! Take another few of my totally fit abs and razor-sharp pecs, why don’t you?” Biden told a slightly nauseous secret service agent. “We need to ‘leak’ these to the press wphggrtaboutiit ok?”
As the photos were released to the public, mainstream media outlets jumped to print stories promoting Biden’s image as a fun-loving family guy just enjoying his time with his six, no wait seven, or is it eight? grandkids, despite news about bombshell testimony from Hunter Biden’s previous business partner linking the President to potentially millions of dollars of bribery scandals.
“Right-wing extremists only focus on the bad stuff,” commented New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman. “I mean, look at these photos of the President, who is in the prime of his life, by the way. We’re going to go wall-to-wall with these because there is absolutely no other news about the Bidens the public would find at all relevant. Look at that FAMILY MAN!”
At publishing time, Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre announced the President would definitely not be releasing a statement regarding his mounting scandals related to his son’s business dealings but instead referred reporters to the fact that Biden is a family man and “here are some more beach pics now please go away.”
Is your wife being hysterical again? Do you need a sandwich ASAP, but the Mrs. is unreasonably upset? Watch this video for all the best techniques for calming her down.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction
Read the full article here