GLENDALE, AZ – Joe Biden’s paranoia of receiving bad press for being lackadaisical about airborne objects reached new levels Sunday when the fictional President ordered the military to shoot down the football during live Super Bowl play.
“I’m trying to watch the Stupid Bowl—na na na, not the Stupid bowl, the STOOPER Bowl, and, God love ya, I see another damn flying object!” Biden said. “This time, I didn’t hesitate. I yelled, ‘EVERYONE, BUY A SHOTGUN’ and then called China right away. They told me to shoot the bastard down and laughed a lot before hanging up.”
Despite everyone knowing the “object” was just the football making a 30-yard flight from Patrick Mahomes, ESPN personalities still praised Biden’s decision.
“A brave, gutsy call by a brilliant man,” Stephen A. Smith tweeted. “I understand the explosion and shrapnel left everyone in section 103 dead, but could you imagine how much worse they would have died if Trump was in power?”
Thankfully, Americans are not fearing an alien invasion.
Update: Once CNN reported that we are not experiencing an alien invasion, Americans are now convinced we are definitely undergoing an alien invasion.
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