WASHINGTON, DC — Joe Biden and his staff had
a good laugh over the weekend after they successfully pressured most big tech
companies to withdraw any links to his bribery scandal.
Speaking live on 4K, Biden mumbled, ‘I told the big tech they had six hours to remove the bribery stuff and son of a b—.” As he concluded the statement, he slapped his knee and threw his head back, laughing.
The press howled with enjoyment and then dutifully went on air and explained that Joe Biden never said that and only conspiracy theorists remember that quote.
Before the ban, Facebook and Google were
furiously calling the White House, alerting them that domestic terrorists were
posting the damming story on their feeds. Most notably, Nebraska stay-at-home
mom Debbie Jones.
“All these whistleblowers, official FBI
documents, and voicemails only prove you’re a huge jerk!” a weeping Mark
Zuckerberg replied to Terrorist Debbie before removing her link.
While the day’s news is good news for the
fictional president, people within the Biden White House are growing concerned
with Joe’s increasingly frequent ‘you’ve-got-6-hours’ threat.
On Monday, Haagen-Dazs
Ice Cream announced they were scaling back their Chocolate-Chocolate-Chip
flavor options from 5 down to 3.
“Joe picked up a banana, believing he was speaking with the Häagen-Dazs corporation. He looked at his watch and told them ‘they had six hours,’” a staffer said. “But things went back to normal when we all smelled that horribly familiar smell, and Joe said someone has ‘six hours to change me.’”
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