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With the shocking news that the PGA will merge with the Saudi Arabian LIV tour, the game of golf is set for radical change. Check out the new rules that will be adopted for the new tour:
- Players who hit an errant shot must yell “ALLAHU AKBAR!” instead of “FORE!”: We’re pretty sure fans will pay a little more attention when someone starts screaming this.
- If you hit a woman with your shot, it’s an automatic birdie: Serves them right for attending a golf tournament without their husbands’ permission.
- Players will be allowed to eliminate one stroke per round, known as the “Kashoggi rule”: Very handy.
- Bunkers will be booby-trapped with mines from the Golan Heights: It will give a whole new meaning to the phrase “explode out of the sand”.
- Every tournament will begin with the ceremonial Stoning of the Gay: As is Saudi tradition.
- If players miss a putt less than two feet, guards immediately chop off their hands: Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman believes if you miss a putt at that distance, you no longer deserve hands.
- Once per weekend, they will let a suicide bomber loose on the course: Golf will never be boring again.
- Winners will receive a new wife along with their oversized check: Right up Tiger’s alley.
- Players will be caned at the end of each round for each stroke over par: No more players cashing it in on a lousy round.
- If a player’s tee shot hits a Jew, they are instantly declared tournament champion: Are we sure this merger was a good idea?
We can’t wait to see how this goes! Thanks, Saudi Arabia.
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