The Christians have revelation, the Mayans had a peculiar calendar with a particular ending, and the Millennials had Y2K. So what does Gen Z have regarding cataclysmic crap shows? The answer is nothing at all. That’s right, Gen Z is floating through, eating chips and watching streaming services. They’ve canceled God and denounced all societal norms, so allow me to offer an “alternative” suggestion that may bring some meaning to them.
Gen Z needs an “end-of-the-world prophecy” (other than LARPing about the climate). That’s right, Gen Z, you heard me. You need an end-of-the-world prophesy, and this one takes the cake when it comes to end-of-the-world prophecies.
As the groundhog sees (or doesn’t see) its own shadow, so shall we know the length of Winter. As Bill Murray is further canceled, we inch closer to the apocalypse. What? Didn’t you know that a growing mob has been forming to destroy the only person capable of saving Manhattan from ghosts? Here’s the list of privileged celebrities crying on the internet about Bill Murray:
- Seth Green (has to repeat “I’m a pro” while crying to get over Bill Murray’s meanness)
- Geena Davis (trying to #metoo Bill Murray because she was yelled at and had thin skin)
- Rob Schneider (thinks Bill is a dick but is a pro about it. Be nice to Rob, he’s cool)
- Lucy Liu (offended at Bill Murray’s “inexcusable language” because she’s sensitive to bad words)
- Anjelica Huston (how dare Bill Murray not invite me to the cast dinner!!!)
- Harold Ramis (Bill was mean to my daddy, meh!)
- Richard Dreyfuss (crying about being bullied in 1991, over 20 years ago)
So look, no one ever thought the world would turn on beloved Bill Murray, but it seems the entirety of western civilization has devolved into weak sensitive creatures with absolutely no motivation or purpose, so why not hate Bill Murray? We hate everything else anyway. If you focus on hard work towards clearly defined goals, you will find some purpose and success, but instant gratification doesn’t exist in that world. Crucifying Bill Murray would bring that instant gratification to them until the emptiness returns and they seek the next victim.
So heed my warning Gen Z, If you cancel Bill Murray completely, Alex Jones and Andrew Tate style, the seventh seal will be broken, and the five horsemen (the fifth one is “wokeness,” he’s new and still in his 90 days) of the apocalypse will be released. Without Bill Murray’s ghostbusting experience, there will be no way to stop them. The great and final battle between good and evil will begin because you canceled the only ghostbuster worth a damn.
Great job 🤦♂️
Next time you think it’s cool to cancel Bill Murray, remember that you may just be tempting the destruction of Earth itself.
You’ve been warned.